Since my grade school days, I've listened to boys and girls talk about their ideal partners in life. I've even answered countless slum books and dating surveys, detailing what's supposed to be an ideal picture of a guy I'd be dating or, perhaps in the future, marry.
"Tall, dark and handsome..."
"Has beautiful eyes, a cute butt and a sweet smile..."
"Must be caring, responsible and smart..."
"Should not care about how I look like, but instead look at the person I am inside..."
These are just some of the ways people describe their ideal partners in life. And whether we admit it or not, the way we describe our ideal men or women change as we go grow older, as we experience different relationships, and we witness other people's relationships.
The question now is this: what do we really mean when we say "must be caring, responsible and smart" or "should not care about how I look like, but instead look at the person I am inside?" What do we really want in a guy when we say, "tall, dark and handsome?" Or in a girl when we say, "has beautiful eyes, beautiful eyes and a sweet smile?"
A recent conversation with a former classmate in Psychology has led me to these questions. We talked at length about what people really mean when they say this and that about their ideal mates. Do we really know what we want? Or do we really take extra effort in adding subtexts to what we say we want, carefully defining every adjective we use to describe that ideal partner?
When a woman says, "I want my man to be sweet and romantic," she often leaves out that she wants him to bring her flowers in front of other people, take her out on expensive dates, constantly hold out his hand for her, carry all her stuff - even her purse - when they are out together, and many other things. Meanwhile, when a man says, "I want my girl to be sweet and caring," the term "sweet" may actually refer to her being "sweetly proportioned" - as in big breasts, small waistline, big hips - while the term "caring" may actually mean that she's willing to literally make him her master - constantly shower him with kisses, cook for him, clean for him, follow him around and serve him and his buddies. Of course, these examples may seem very extreme but to deny their truth in certain cases is simply hypocritical.
Breaking down this concept of an ideal man or woman and looking into some of the possible subtexts of this concept are arduous tasks. There are far too many to include here, and most are undeniably unconscious subtexts - we don't realize that they are also part of what we want in our ideal partners. In fact, that lengthy discussion with my former psychology classmate lasted for several hours but never really ended. We still trade notes and observations every once in a while. We agreed to post some surveys on our individual social networks to see what kind of responses we'll get. Part II of this article will be dissecting those responses to aid us in defining what we so lovingly termed "the anatomy of the ideal man or woman."
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